Spring Beginnings Bring Healing

Author: Katie Bonanno, MA 

We often think of spring as a time for renewal, new beginnings and cleaning out the old.
A lot of this is geared towards
the physical space around you. 

But what if we did this with our mind as well? 

I’m a Conscious Relationship Expert and hold a Masters degree in Marriage and Family Therapy which focuses on the family as a system with all sorts of different moving parts that works to establish a unique ecosystem. 

Within that system we often have certain beliefs and behaviors that we pass down consciously and subconsciously to our kids. Personal beliefs are a way that you organize your outside reality in your own mind so you’re able to make sense of what’s happening in your life. For example, a belief might be that “people are inherently good”. This personal belief then fuels the way we look at the world and behave in it. Someone who believes that people are inherently good might always see the best in people, give them the benefit of the doubt, and always be open to helping people. Someone who believes that people are bad or can’t be trusted might express that people are always hiding something, always looking for “the catch”, and expecting the worst from people. 

The things we experience in life form those beliefs which then form behaviors. These are the things we pass down to our kids. We hold onto those beliefs and act off of them. Our kids see how we behave, what we say, and how we interact with the world and pick up on that. They learn from it and emulate it therefore continuing to pass the beliefs and behaviors down the family line. 

These beliefs and behaviors can be passed down generations and generations but have the same effect no matter the generation. 

What are you passing down to your kids? Being honest about what you see will help you become aware of the beliefs you do want to pass down to your kids and the ones you don’t want to pass down to your kids. 

Follow up with these questions: 

“What do I want my kids to believe?” 

“What positive beliefs do I have?” 

“What negative beliefs do I have that I wish I didn’t?” 

“In what ways do these beliefs play out in my life? What behaviors are linked to these beliefs?”

Example: You think people are inherently bad. You then get cut off in traffic and assume that person did it on purpose which results in you screaming in the car on the way to drop your kids off at school. 

“What beliefs might I be unconsciously pushing/showing on my kids?” 

“Do I want to change any of these beliefs? Which ones?” 

As you’re going through these questions try not to shame or judge yourself as it only resists the process. There’s likely a very good reason these beliefs and behaviors were passed down. I always tell my clients that their brain felt these particular behaviors and beliefs were valuable to survival at some point or else the brain wouldn’t have kept them around! Instead view this information as data and feedback for how your body and mind work. As you gain more insight and data, the more you’ll be able to be self-aware and shift what you don’t want to keep. It’s a conscious process and you always have the power to change and choose your reality. Within this work you have the power to create a healthy, connected, and intimate family unit. It starts with you, the parents. 

Keep this model in mind which is true for all humans, adults and kids alike: Beliefs are the foundation → feelings come from those beliefs → thoughts follow →actions occur from those thoughts/feelings to rectify them → repeating a specific cycle creates behaviors.